In a series of letters to a friend Genevieve Jurgensen tells about the deaths of her two little girls, Mathilde 7 1/2 and Elise 4 1/2, in a car crash.
To say that it is devastating is really understating it.
It brought back a lot of memories for me of Nov 30, 2004 when my son passed away suddenly in a tragic accident, a house fire in our case.
I remember the sudden irrevocable knowledge of his death, how it couldn't be undone. He was alive and then he wasn't, just like that. I remember going over and over it in my mind trying to change it somehow, I mean how unlikely was it that those exact circumstances could take place with this result.
I know how it is to live in two places in time; the time of the death and the after. I have never left the time of his death completely.
I completely resonate with her statement: "Suffering was the last way in which I could love my children."

Still, I thought I was doing OK emotionally reading this book until page 95, when I fell apart completely, sobbing, with of all things, jealousy.
She writes, "This month the girls would have been seventeen and twenty years old."....
"On the 8th of October, Elise's birthday, my mother rang me at work; she wanted to speak to me on this day. I know that she will also ring on the twentieth." (Mathilde's birthday)
These words strippped away the anesthesia that everyday mundane life confers and I was thrust into the midst of my pain once again. And it was partly because her family remembers her girls birthdays and visits their graves, and mine does not do these things or very rarely.
I have all the letters and cards that people wrote to our family after Kalman's death. But now, 6 1/2 years later, there is only one sister of Kalman who consistently remembers Kalman's birthday and will most often call. No one else calls. In fact, hardly anyone visits the grave unless I fly down to L.A. to visit it myself. This doesn't mean people don't care, but I have to ASK them to care. Please call, please remember, please, please, please.
The fact that Genevieve's mother, the girl's grandmother, calls on their birthdays, 12 years after their deaths, just, well like I said, I was jealous. It got me tied up in knots of grief and feelings of failure. I got a headache and broke out in itchy skin and was snapping at everyone and couldn't bear to hear noise. A sorry condition!
Reading this book is a lot like listening to a mother talk about her loss in a mother's bereavement group. I never knew Mathilde or Elise except through their mother's writing but I have some knowledge of them now, their memories are held in sacred trust in my heart.

Sent to Bloedengel in Kalman's 18th BD VBB.

I received the book in honour of Kalmans 18th birthday and ... I read it at once.
It was not a 'nice' read of course, it left me devastated, but I had to finish the book.
It's very clear in explaining this 'factuality' to people who did not lose a child, I think.
Like you say, they're alive and all of a sudden reality changes completely.
It is unbelievable.
I heard it describe once by a mom who lost her child, as it's like this feeling when you have when you forget your handbag or purse somewhere , this second of doubt, and the relief when you realize it's in the trunk or something. Like parents who have to face these tragedies , never get this relief, this it-was-only-a-bad-dream feeling.

In that sense, I was very happy to have finished the book and to be able to put it away. That it didn't directly 'concern' 'me' you see. I wish it didn't have to be anybody's tragedy, really.

I read on google that the lady who wrote this book , did a lot of things to improve road security in France afterwards.
I think that's awesome of her. On the other side it's a good idea that she didn't explain that in the book. Too much information would have taken the reader away from the main 'information'.

What shocks me is this sudden irrevocability as you describe. The author says somewhere about her father, saying goodbye , leaving already though she didn't realise, 'how lucky to be able to say goodbye to your beloved' and this I understand very well.

I don't think there is ever justice in children dying. People should die of old age. Or bad habits. Not young. But it seems to me so much easier to go through a process like cancer or a longterm disease (not that I wish that to anyone, let alone a child !) to gradually loose the grip, than to get such a bad blow.

Olivia, as I said, Kalman's birthday is in my calendar, and I will burn him a candle and think of him yearly.
That's not the same as flying to LA, but there are a lot of people 'knowing' him, because of your bookboxes and remembering.

was requested from the bookXerpting. I can't say : enjoy, nor can I say ':happy reading. But an interesting read it is ...

Thanks bloedengel for sending this book to me!
This book was part of Int'l BookXerpting, and I chose it from a collection of first pages, without knowing it was this book. I am very glad it IS this book!
And what is also special is, that I took part in Oliviapoolside's VBB in memory of Kalman's 18th birthday, So with this book coming to me via bloedengel, I am again thinking of him and of his mum.

I am sending this book to the next participant in the letter 'D' bookring. It goes together with another book that was already in the ring.

This is a very touching book, and I am glad I have read it. it was very moving.
I hope that the next reader will also appreciate this small book.

Arrived as a suprise. Thank you.

I realise it's a translation from French and here we know the author very well as she is often on air defending her cause (road safety).

I'll send the book to the next participant in the letter D bookring.

On its way to New Zealand

A wonderful surprise thank you

Having received this as part of a 'D" bookbox a long time ago I have saved this to read as part of the 666 challenge. The primer of loss reduced me to tears, and gut wrenching sobs. It really is a primer of loss.
I am amazed that Genevieve has so little anger at the young man who due to reckless driving killed her two beautiful daughters. Never mawkish or sentimental, she shares no photos, she simply writes searing letters of her loss.
I remain deeply affected.
I picked this up to read as the horrible news of the murders in Paris of the Charlie staff reached New Zealand. Je suis Charlie.
My New Years resolution is to write a letter to people I know affected by loss, Genevieive says receiving letters was a huge comfort to her. I am so pleased her family relationships survived this unspeakable tragedy and she was able to strengthen her family with two more children.
My love goes out to BooksandMusic, ( journaller one) who has also experienced a ghastly loss with the death of Kalman. Please know I have cried tears for you and Kalman these past two days.

For a fellow 666 challenger

Received during a Saturday outing with Edwardstreet, with their high recommendations.

read on a flight to Melbourne. Through a set of letters a woman pieces her sence of self together following the death of her two children. I found it interesting how her “second set” of children react to the first. the husband’s role and input into famoy life was abstract.

A very bleated birthday and unusual author sweepstake winner surprise box of books.

If you aren't familiar with Bookcrossing, take a few minutes to check out this very cool site. Bookcrossers LOVE books, and more than anything, they love to read books and then set them free for other people to find and enjoy. I would love it if you would leave a journal entry -- you can say where you found the book or how you liked it when you read it.

Wow, what a great surprise the courier dropped off today - this book, along with 5 others and a lovely selection of chocolates as well. Way to make my day!
Many thanks kiwiinengland for all of these gifts :)

Sad, but insightful and informative, especially for those of us fortunate enough to not have been touched by such tragedy.

Welcome to BookCrossing!

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I hope you enjoy the book.
Happy reading!