Surviving Ophelia: Mothers Share Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years
3 journalers for this copy...
I received this book as a gift from skcreader, who sent me an Amazon gift certificate for my birthday. Whatta gal! I'm going to offer it up to her first, but then it will be up for grabs. I found the book interesting, and a bit better than Ophelia Speaks, but not quite as good as Reviving Ophelia. I guess I was hoping for something a little more informative, and a little less whiny. At the end, I was left feeling that there were no answers, and that "there's nothing we can do". I plan on continuing to explore this genre as I try to find answers to my own life...
I'll be sending this book out in a bookray. The order is as follows:ika-cassiopeia
magicwritinggal
bodesoda (skipped for now)
bflybabe (skipped for now)
casseytara
Journal Entry 3 by ika-cassiopeia from Vaasa, Pohjanmaa / Österbotten Finland on Friday, January 9, 2004
The book was waiting for me on the bottom of my overfilled mailbox late last night when I returned from my Christmas holidays. Thanks a lot, mrsordonez!
I'll start reading it as soon as I finish my Selma Lagerlöf reading.
I'll start reading it as soon as I finish my Selma Lagerlöf reading.
Journal Entry 4 by ika-cassiopeia from Vaasa, Pohjanmaa / Österbotten Finland on Tuesday, February 3, 2004
First of all - I realise I'm probably not in the right age nor the right time of my life to read a book on the problems in being a mother of a teenage girl. But hey, it's always good to broaden one's horizons a bit... :)
So, what did I learn from the book?
Firstly - my parents should be thankful I was such a normal and in all ways healthy teenager. I didn't run away from home, didn't experiment with drugs or alcohol, didn't develop eating disorders, didn't steal money from my parents... If my mother read this book and realise what I've spared her from she would probably thank me. I actually felt happy myself thinking my teen years could have been so much worse. I often think of those years when i was 14-15 as the worst ever, but maybe I should be grateful they weren't even worse.
Secondly - I got a rather large cultural shock while reading the book. This one I had not expected - I had expected to feel sort of in the wrong age and was prepared for that, but didn't think of the differences between Finland and America.
I think what i saw as "the worst case" was a mother that told the readers how she had turned into a full-time mom when her kids approached their teen years to be able to fully support them and spend enough time with them. I must say I was shocked and sort of amused. I told a few of my friends about this and they were also shocked and amused. At the age of 22 I still have my teenage years in fresh memory, and I very clearly remember how i always wanted to get rid of my parents and more or less cheered when they left the house. And I don't feel my parents were the type that poked their noses too much into their children's life. As farmers they were working from home and were most of the time physically there, although not always dealing with me.
Overall the full-time mom-phenomena is very rare here in Finland. Full-time moms here have very young children - we're talking about 3-4 year olds. It's a completely different situation, if you are a full-time mom you need to motivate your choice in a convincing way, and you need to do so often. You never hear a mother here say that she won't go back to working since she finds it so important to be at home when the kids get back from school. Still, some families are able to organize things so that one parent is at home when the children copme home from school. I know my aunt and her husband do this since they can slightly change their working schedules.
I'm not saying that being a full-time mom automatically is something negative, it's mostly that I feel very surprised at how commom it seems to be in America. And, well - I have my doubts, which may be because of growing up in a culture where both parents are supposed to be working. I find it a bit problematic that in most cases it's the mother that stays at home and takes care of the children. Secondly - a mother that is constantly around for you and sees your upbringing as her only task is not what most of the human beings have had. And I think we've survived that pretty well. The fact that my parents were physically around for the whole of my upbringing did not mean they spent their days playing with me... Actually I have rather few memories of them playing with me, so i doubt it happened too often.
Now, the book was sometimes a rather positive experience (although this journal entry has not given that impression so far). I found it fascinating to read about the feelings of the mothers, I started to think about what my own parents could have thought of me as a teenager...
Sometimes there would be stories that felt very wise and positive, a mother that managed to co-operate wuith her daughter to help her. Sometimes it was amazing to read what difficult times both the mother and the daughter had survived.
What I often missed was the daughter's story. In some stories the mother complained a lot on how difficult the daughter made the mother's life, and then i wondered what the daughter's side of the story would look like. In the last chapter there actually was a few young women writing about their own teens (hooray!), and some of these pieces were actually giving that second side of another story featured in the book.
I will send this forward to magicwritinggal as soon as possinle, at least within this week. I have another package that I want to send at the same time as i'm already going to the post office, and have to finish a letter for that second package. But it's on it's way!
So, what did I learn from the book?
Firstly - my parents should be thankful I was such a normal and in all ways healthy teenager. I didn't run away from home, didn't experiment with drugs or alcohol, didn't develop eating disorders, didn't steal money from my parents... If my mother read this book and realise what I've spared her from she would probably thank me. I actually felt happy myself thinking my teen years could have been so much worse. I often think of those years when i was 14-15 as the worst ever, but maybe I should be grateful they weren't even worse.
Secondly - I got a rather large cultural shock while reading the book. This one I had not expected - I had expected to feel sort of in the wrong age and was prepared for that, but didn't think of the differences between Finland and America.
I think what i saw as "the worst case" was a mother that told the readers how she had turned into a full-time mom when her kids approached their teen years to be able to fully support them and spend enough time with them. I must say I was shocked and sort of amused. I told a few of my friends about this and they were also shocked and amused. At the age of 22 I still have my teenage years in fresh memory, and I very clearly remember how i always wanted to get rid of my parents and more or less cheered when they left the house. And I don't feel my parents were the type that poked their noses too much into their children's life. As farmers they were working from home and were most of the time physically there, although not always dealing with me.
Overall the full-time mom-phenomena is very rare here in Finland. Full-time moms here have very young children - we're talking about 3-4 year olds. It's a completely different situation, if you are a full-time mom you need to motivate your choice in a convincing way, and you need to do so often. You never hear a mother here say that she won't go back to working since she finds it so important to be at home when the kids get back from school. Still, some families are able to organize things so that one parent is at home when the children copme home from school. I know my aunt and her husband do this since they can slightly change their working schedules.
I'm not saying that being a full-time mom automatically is something negative, it's mostly that I feel very surprised at how commom it seems to be in America. And, well - I have my doubts, which may be because of growing up in a culture where both parents are supposed to be working. I find it a bit problematic that in most cases it's the mother that stays at home and takes care of the children. Secondly - a mother that is constantly around for you and sees your upbringing as her only task is not what most of the human beings have had. And I think we've survived that pretty well. The fact that my parents were physically around for the whole of my upbringing did not mean they spent their days playing with me... Actually I have rather few memories of them playing with me, so i doubt it happened too often.
Now, the book was sometimes a rather positive experience (although this journal entry has not given that impression so far). I found it fascinating to read about the feelings of the mothers, I started to think about what my own parents could have thought of me as a teenager...
Sometimes there would be stories that felt very wise and positive, a mother that managed to co-operate wuith her daughter to help her. Sometimes it was amazing to read what difficult times both the mother and the daughter had survived.
What I often missed was the daughter's story. In some stories the mother complained a lot on how difficult the daughter made the mother's life, and then i wondered what the daughter's side of the story would look like. In the last chapter there actually was a few young women writing about their own teens (hooray!), and some of these pieces were actually giving that second side of another story featured in the book.
I will send this forward to magicwritinggal as soon as possinle, at least within this week. I have another package that I want to send at the same time as i'm already going to the post office, and have to finish a letter for that second package. But it's on it's way!
Journal Entry 5 by ika-cassiopeia from Vaasa, Pohjanmaa / Österbotten Finland on Monday, February 9, 2004
Posted to magicwritinggal today. Will probably last a month before it arrives since I didn't send it by air mail - but at least it is on it's way.
Received this in the mail today--my first mail from Finland! I've been meaning to read this book since college. Will journal again after I've read it.
When I finally got through my other bookrings to start this one, I realized I'd confused this book with Reviving Ophelia. Oh well. I'm sure I'll read that one someday. This one was good, heart-wrenching reading, though I read it sporadically rather than straight through.
I'm not a mother yet myself. I think I'd get more out of the book if I were. I appreciate their pain, but I don't share that connection to it. I hope I never do, but it's good to know this book's out there if I ever need it.
Thanks for sharing! Plan to send it along this week, once I get bodesoda's address.
I'm not a mother yet myself. I think I'd get more out of the book if I were. I appreciate their pain, but I don't share that connection to it. I hope I never do, but it's good to know this book's out there if I ever need it.
Thanks for sharing! Plan to send it along this week, once I get bodesoda's address.
