Initial comments: I wish I had been to Halifax. I'd love to be able to picture the harbour and the city.
I'm really enjoying the development of the characters.
There is quite a bit of self-conscious narrative or philosophising--putting things in the perspective of a larger picture. This might be considered undesirable in more current fiction, but it seems in step with fiction written at the time of the story's setting. I recently finished Mrs Dalloway which deals with many of the same issues (effects of WWI on society and individuals, British Empire, etc.)
The choice of Penelope as the heroine's name was certainly no coincidence. There's definitely an Odyssey allusion here, as Neil comes back from a war incognito, with everyone thinking him dead and another suitor plying for Penny's affections...
ETA: I just put this in the other thread, but for those who aren't or are no longer following it, I've created a blog for this project at http://ibis3.blogspot.com/