2006 Book #42 - Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish
Fabulous isn't the first word that comes to mind when I think of this book although it does start with the letter F. Rarely do I dip into the sticky waters of so-called "chick lit" and books like this one are the reason I usually run away screaming in disgust and pulling my hair. Other words that come to mind about this book? Condescending, saccharine, melodramatic, obnoxious, forced, mind-numbing, mediocre... I could go on, but there's only so much time in the day. Seriously, when I read the blurb in the back I thought the premise was quite interesting and it sounded like a lot of fun. Here it is:

The beloved author of Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn returns with the story of five woman who had nothing in common but one extraordinary friend...

For Katherine Givens and the four women about to become her best friends, the adventure begins with a UPS package. Inside is a pair of red sneakers filled with ashes and a note that will forever change their lives. Katherine's oldest and dearest friend, the irrepressible Annie Freeman, left one final request - a traveling funeral - and she wants the most important women in her life as "pallbearers."

From Sonoma to Manhattan, Katherine, Laura, Rebecca, Jill, and Marie will carry Annie's ashes to the special places in her life. At every stop there's a surprise encounter and a small miracle waiting, and as they whoop it up across the country, attracting interest wherever they go, they share their deepest secrets - tales of broken hearts and second chances, missed opportunities and new beginnings. And as they grieve over what they've lost, they discover how much is still possible if only they can unravel the secrets Annie left them...

There was SO much potential in there to really tell Annie's story and those of these women! Instead this author wrote a book that lacked real depth of characters and in a very stupid format. Honestly everyone was so happy happy joy joy almost all of the time (when they weren't drunk or morose) that I don't really remember which was which. They were so bland and undifferentiated that it's hard to tell them apart.

The real travesty here, though, was the story of Annie Freeman. I think the most irritating thing I hated about this book was the contrived device used for sort of telling Annie's story. Every so often the women would write in this "traveling funeral diary" what they were feeling and that would've been fine, I guess, if it was just that. But nooo. After every entry then they had to write what they thought Annie would be thinking and what she'd said to them in response. Not long after this thing was introduced I didn't really care anymore about these individuals (since I couldn't tell them apart anyway) that I seriously didn't want to read what they wrote that they were thinking. But back to the writing by "Annie." I would have MUCH preferred to read what Annie really was like. Not through the eyes of these annoying people, but written in first person by Annie herself, maybe before she'd died and sent off her friends on this hijink.

The tone itself was insulting to my intelligence. Oh you know how allllll US girls are the author kept saying. We're all martyrs and bipolar apparently, if we go by what this woman writes. Oh and we all just luuuuv to shop shop shop! Sample martyrdom:

"Marie?"
"Sorry," she answers. "I was dreaming that I had nothing to do but eat, drink, sleep and be, well, Marie."
Katherine laughs and asks if she's tired.
"Like the rest of the women in the world, yes, I am tired but it's nothing this break in my routine can't take care of for a while anyway," she explains.

Oh yes and the dialogue was bad. Ugh. This was taken from page 287 out of 331. The stereotypes and condescension didn't stop throughout. And Annie was perfect! Her irritating habits and annoying personality quirks we all have weren't brought up until page 302! Sure, no one ever seems to want to speak ill of the dead, but come on! A group of women who're her best friends that wouldn't be totally honest on this trip? It's not like when you're in a big mixed group of friends and acquiantances. That reminds me. Who's ever heard of four women getting along for this long in multi-leg trips that involve a lot of plane-changes and traveling? At best a group of three, in my experience, work ok. Anything more and things get really hormonal and potentially nasty, especially among women who have never spent any long lengths of time together.

Anyway, I regretted picking up this book. Maybe if someone is more into the artifice of chick-lit and that type of light reading, then this book would be for them. But not for me.

3/10