Journal Entry 1 by boreal from Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Sunday, July 18, 2004

Journal Entry 2 by boreal from Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Monday, July 19, 2004

I thought I would offer this as a bookray with a slight twist; after you have read the book write your own "worst first sentence" as your journal entry.

Participants
* = will post international

Rarsberry -Dunedin, NZ
Chippolata-Waikouaiti,NZ
Futurecat -Christchurch, NZ (also ORNOT and MrPloppy if they want :-) )
Gwilk -Christchurch, NZ*
Mundoo -South Australia
tqd -Sydney, Australia*
TuesdayNext -NSW
lakelady2282 -NSW, Australia*
lmn60, Australia*
loribee - Birmingham, UK*
londonmet - London, UK*
Koalabare -UK*
Kanapoutz - Nice, France*
boucli - Toulouse, France* <------book is here
EthanTuliobanat - Paris, France
TiteSouris - Paris, France
nobodysperfect - Paris, France
Gaspard-Tengu - Paris, France*
silver-halcyon -Ottawa, Ontario, Canada*
wizardsheart -Michigan,USA
pyan Wisconsin, USA.
carolmomof3 -Florida, USA*
rebeccalyr -Texas, USA*

SUJIE -Malaysia*
BrooklinBratOntario Canada*



Any new participants will be added to the end and must be prepared to post anywhere.
I might rearrange the late joiners at a later date to save the book doing too much jumping from one side of the world to the other :-) 

Journal Entry 3 by boreal from Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Sunday, July 25, 2004

Some brief bookray instructions -

1. Make a journal entry when you receive the book to let us know its arrived safely.

2. After you have read the book and been inspired by all the other bad sentences, write your own as part of your journal entry.


3. Send a PM to the next on the list asking for their address. If you are too busy to read the book in the next few weeks, let me know and I will move you down the list.

4.Have fun and we will look forward to reading all the bad sentences. 

Journal Entry 4 by boreal from Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Sunday, July 25, 2004

After much thought, several sleepless nights and many bits of paper here is my bad sentence.

George Peabody had always wanted to learn macramé, he remembered the intricate ropework of the hanging pot-plant holder that used to dangle limply from his mothers living room ceiling and the rigid string toilet roll holder that had graced her smallest room; so when his eyes fell on the advertisement offering night macramé classes his stomach knotted in anticipation. 

Journal Entry 5 by boreal from Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Put in Rarsberries mailbox on Wednesday the 28th July.
Enjoy!
 

Journal Entry 6 by rarsberry from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Thursday, July 29, 2004

Found this little book sitting in my letterbox on Wednesday.
I shall read it and think about my wonderful sentence.
Thank you to boreal for starting this bookray. :o) 

Journal Entry 7 by rarsberry from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Monday, August 02, 2004

I read this book in a couple of hours last night.
I have the addres for the next person in the list and will post it when I can.

Ok, I've put this off for long enough now.
I have written my sentence, its not great but its something.
And yes, it is what you think its about.
No silly nothing like that, I mean bookcrossing!!

"She stands inside the phone box, looking around outside to make sure no one is watching her and what she is about to do, as she feels certain that a pair of eyes are watching her every move, and she has to act quickly now so as not to be seen." 

Journal Entry 8 by rarsberry at -- By post or by hand/ in person, RABCK , bookring/ray in Dunedin, Otago New Zealand on Friday, August 13, 2004

Released on Friday, August 13, 2004 at Controlled Release in Dunedin, Otago New Zealand.

Gave the book to boreal so she can post it to her sister for me. :o) 

Journal Entry 9 by chippolata on Saturday, August 21, 2004

I have not read all of the sentences but I thought those i did read were brilliantly twisted and it was a major challenge coming up with one myself. I think my favorite for laughing outloud was... C Heywood on page 37. I noticed that many writers had used the chance to either write about something which bored them, or to parody writing about something which bored them.... it is hard to tell which is true... so although there is alot of sexist and racist statements in the sentences it is hard to tell if that is what the writer is actually into, or just taking the piss. I enjoyed reading the book on this level. I think this is why the winner won... because it did'nt play on any such cliche's... yep an interesting challenge.


My sentence:
The president leaned back against the leather of his chair in his luxuriously appointed office, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth as he recalled the scenes he had just seen on the television news, he sighed happily and said to himself "God I love war". 

Journal Entry 10 by futurecat from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Tuesday, August 31, 2004

It's very exciting when you come back from holiday and there's all these parcels waiting for you! (And this one comes complete with a postcard of Baldwin Street!)

I seem to have hit one of those times when all the bookring books arrive at once, but I promise I'll get on to reading this one as soon as possible.

Thanks boreal!

^ ^
00
=+=
v 

Journal Entry 11 by futurecat from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Friday, September 10, 2004

Very amusing, and just the kind of no-pressure reading I needed to help me through my cold.

And now, after much struggling, my sentence:

"Noooooooooo!!!" screamed Brad in frustration, cursing both the cruel fates which had left him crippled and his damaged body which could no longer move fast enough to prevent disaster, leaving him impotent, able only to watch helplessly as the blob of jam fell towards the white of the carpet.

Journal Entry 12 by MrPloppy from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Friday, September 10, 2004

Here's mine:

Dear reader, the following was channelled through me, one fine but with scattered showers day last June, and holds many wisdoms, truths and information that will save our adolescent race, and let us reach adulthood intact - it is in the original Pleidean: "Iknar bnep fort nebabe gikith ptat/forert snana pteq fli fli knipnop pe/skir hja kyta fra nfi gtak nok fli/ztra jip jip korutna plo sik flao/..."

Journal Entry 13 by ORNOT from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Saturday, September 25, 2004

And now, mine:

"Come," said the man with corpulent trousers as he hiccoughed across the tiles, his breath scorching deep in the gunnels of his moustache and his other end expressing ripe, rocket fuel bursts in round succession, "I've got something to show you."

Twillion Grundsbright, overseer of Dringle Walrus Fingers, wrote the word "the" over and over again on his mistress's thighs until they were the definite article.

Journal Entry 14 by gwilk from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Sunday, September 26, 2004

Picked up at yesterday's meetup at the Trattorie Cafe. Haven't read it all yet but my wife and I have been following each other around the house reading from it and laughing out loud. 

Journal Entry 15 by gwilk from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Monday, September 27, 2004

I am about half way through now and enjoying the various entries. I thought the parody of the world-famous-in-New-Zealand "bugger" adverts for the Toyota Hi-Lux to be particularly witty. I will have to return to this journal entry and edit in the page number.

All these bad sentances inexorably remind me of Hannibal by Thomas Harris who came up with this immortal line: "excitement leap like a trout in the public trousers". I nominate that for the award of the "Worst Line of Prose in a Serious Published Work". In the same novel, Harris also produced "Her cycle pants whistled like building steam as she walked out of the room." To be fair I should add that Harris's Red Dragon is the best work of horror fiction I have read. 

Journal Entry 16 by gwilk from Christchurch, Canterbury New Zealand on Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Finished. I think I can divide the entries into three categories:
(1) Those sentances that attempt to be long and witty
(2) Those sentances that are really one-line jokes
(3) Those sentances that really would the be start of the worst novel

All have their charms. My attempt:

"Oswald thought he had already plumbed the depths of human depravity, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight that greeted his puglike eyes, his thoughts were almost lost to rage and an idea that hedge trimmers should be licensed, but the professional training ran deep and he was already calculating his first move as he clutched the secateurs lightly and approached the mangled lemon tree." 

Journal Entry 17 by Mundoo from Hindmarsh Island, South Australia Australia on Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Received today in the mail.
Now to be amused and think up a worst sentence. 

Journal Entry 18 by Mundoo from Hindmarsh Island, South Australia Australia on Friday, November 12, 2004

This was not an easy book to read, each sentence was execrable in its own right.

After much agonising and panic this is my contribution

As the sunset dropped down into the sea from higher in the sky, she wondered if it would ever be the same between them, after all tomorrow was another day and the world turns to create new lives.  

Journal Entry 19 by Mundoo at By Mail in Controlled Release, Given to a fellow bookcrosser -- Controlled Releases on Sunday, November 14, 2004

Released on Sunday, November 14, 2004 at about 7:30:00 PM BX time (GMT-06:00) Central Time (US & Canada) at By Mail in Controlled Release, Given to a fellow bookcrosser Controlled Releases.

RELEASE NOTES:

Posted to tqd 

Journal Entry 20 by tqd from Sydney, New South Wales Australia on Thursday, November 18, 2004

Turned up in the mail box just the other day (thanks Mundoo)! I'm on holidays though, so I've only just gotten around to journalling it, sorry. Will read it asap, and will start working on that dreadful first sentence! 

Journal Entry 21 by tqd from Sydney, New South Wales Australia on Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Oh, I found it hard to read such bad literature! But some classics in there, I hope mine are up to scratch! (Yes, I wrote two.)

The first is in one of the classic format of the book's entries (opening sentences that make you think "yeesh, this is going to be the boringest novel ever"):

As Gordon woke from hypersleep aboard the space flight cruiser USS Reagan, he realised that the forbidding silence was due to the fact that his sole companion for the interminable voyage, a small potted cactus that he fondly called Gary, had not lasted the distance, and that the next 20 months were going to be spent entirely without intelligent interaction of any kind.

And the other takes on my most hated bit of sci-fi, the technobabble:

“Damn,” ejaculated Gordon, as he realised that the quantum fibrillator that was responsible for maintaining the equilibrium of the subspace stasis field around the dilithium crystal nanomolecular hyperspace radar was on the verge of needing a good tune up, meaning that he would have to schedule some spare time around his tuba and ballet lessons.

But of course, with the standard "twist" at the end. (I think twists are easier to write!)

I obviously have a problem with sci-fi heroes called "Gordon". My apologies to any Gordons out there, I'm sure you'll all make excellent space pilots and heroes. (I also love the use of "ejaculate" instead of "said", as I have a filthy mind at times.)

Congratulations on the other entries here, there are some real corkers!

I will pass this onto TuesdayNext when I next see her.

Also, of relevant interest: http://www.smh.com.au/news/Books/Wolfe-wins-bad-sex-award/2004/12/14/1102787079563.html - Tom Wolfe has won the British prize for bad sex in fiction. If you can't get to the above link, here is the line in question (from I am Charlotte Simmons):

"But the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns - oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now!"

I don't think I'll ever read Tom Wolfe after reading that!! 

Journal Entry 22 by TuesdayNext from Dulwich Hill, New South Wales Australia on Tuesday, January 11, 2005

thanks TQD for passing on this book, the contributions below are terrific and could be contenders for The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 

Journal Entry 23 by TuesdayNext from Dulwich Hill, New South Wales Australia on Thursday, January 27, 2005

Loved the book, laughed out loud many times, my favourite contributions -

Myrtle Bagnall was a despondent woman, her husband a morose outcast, her children sullen and mentally impaired, nevertheless, she still wished to record their life together.
Dennis Wilson, St Johns, Auckland

Annie sighed as she opened a window to ventilate the room and wished that John’s idea of scorning bourgeois convention would rise above and beyond the frequent and blatant breaking of wind,
Pauline Auger, Avon Head, Christchurch

If ever there was a woman who was unworthy of a single line, she was that woman, and yet, at first sight of her, for some inexplicable reason, I felt the sudden flow of ink in my pen.
Jim Edwards, Mission Bay, Aukland

Writing a sentence of my own turned out to be much harder than I thought, but since my pet hate is badly written kids books I decided I had to try my hand at that genre:

That bright morning while skipping along the forest path, Bonky chuckled at the chance of fate that had left the Leprechaun’s gold nestled snugly in his trouser pocket and he mused how he would dearly love to piss the profits up against the wall were it not for the fact that he had been born a simple teddy bear without external genitalia.

please PM me if you think that word is too rude! I have an alternative just in case. OK?


 

Journal Entry 24 by TuesdayNext at The Post in bookray/bookring, With Another BookCrosser -- Controlled Releases on Thursday, January 27, 2005

Released 7 yrs ago (1/27/2005 UTC) at The Post in bookray/bookring, With Another BookCrosser -- Controlled Releases

WILD RELEASE NOTES:

RELEASE NOTES:

I am sending this off lakelady2282 in NSW, happy reading :) 

Journal Entry 25 by TuesdayNext from Dulwich Hill, New South Wales Australia on Thursday, January 27, 2005

sorry, my 7 year old daughter really wanted to contribute her own entry before I send this off -

Once upon a time a little bunny named Chookie was going for a walk with a dog named Sniffle, a river was nearby and a tiger jumped down from a tree and attacked them but Sniffle's dad saved the day!!

sorry again, she wanted it in pink :) 

Journal Entry 26 by lakelady2282 from Lake Macquarie, New South Wales Australia on Friday, February 04, 2005

Thanks so much for this bookring. Received the book yesterday afternoon and really looking forward to reading it. It looks like a lot of fun! 

Journal Entry 27 by lakelady2282 from Lake Macquarie, New South Wales Australia on Thursday, February 24, 2005

Started The Da Vinci Code when this first arrived. Almost fatal for any other bookrings that one is particpating in.
My favourite entry is:
"If chattels include everything that's been nailed to the floor or screwed to the walls," muttered Rodney as he perused the Sale of Agreement for his house, "then you Vicki, should be staying behind."
My attempt:
Cynthia Roebottom of the small village of Morton Preston was contemplating her week ahead of bowls Monday, quilting Tuesday, turning out the bedrooms on Wednesday, the church committee meeting on Thursday and shopping and other household chores on Friday when she noticed in alarm that her yellow tin of Twinings Earl Grey tea was not in the cupboard that she could have sworn she had returned in to the previous night but (the strangest of things) it was actually still sitting by the hot water jug!

Thanks boreal for organising this ring.
Debbie 

Journal Entry 28 by lakelady2282 at on Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Released 7 yrs ago (2/27/2005 UTC) at

WILD RELEASE NOTES:

RELEASE NOTES:

 

Journal Entry 29 by lmn60 from Spotswood, Victoria Australia on Thursday, March 03, 2005

Hoorah! It's here! Shall read and pass on ASAP! 

Journal Entry 30 by lmn60 from Spotswood, Victoria Australia on Wednesday, March 30, 2005

This was a great 'handbag' book - just the right size for carrying around and dipping into whilst waiting in queues and dentist's waiting areas. Of course, I had to suppress some giggles not to stand out too much from the crowd.

That's my review NOT my worst sentence.... Here are two that sprang to mind..

'Miranda's doe-like eyes widened in anticipation as Homer's vulpine figure paced the crowded room, growling savagely at interlopers, sniffing the air like a caged wildebeest, tossing his leonine mane of hair and pawing at the ground, and arousing a veritable menagerie of bestial metaphors fluttering in her breast and mind'.

and

'Hank watched the demonic figure loom closer and closer as his fingers tightened on the HB pencil and he asked himself, 'What would Buffy do?'.

Posting off to loribee tomorrow. 

Journal Entry 31 by loribee from Birmingham, West Midlands United Kingdom on Thursday, April 07, 2005

I have so far only flicked through but am already laughing at page 40!!
'Mary Jo had more than a broken heart; she had piles.'

Thanks to all who have passed it along.

Soon forwarded to londonmet who confirmed that his bx name had academic connotations!

My own worst sentence, based on something I once saw.

The Japanese tourist, inconspicuous in his grey overcoat, scarf and hat, opened the camerabag, took out his cinecamera and held it close to the dirty grey window as the grey train rolled through the flat grey Belgian landscape, the grey drizzle persisted and the grey clouds filled the sky; 'this will be something to show them at home,' he thought. 

Journal Entry 32 by londonmet from London , Greater London United Kingdom on Sunday, April 10, 2005

Thanks for posting this on to me!
Looking forward to dipping into this then creating my own worst first sentence. 

Journal Entry 33 by londonmet from London , Greater London United Kingdom on Tuesday, April 12, 2005

This is a good laugh, though best dipped into a few pages at a time.
My attempted worst firsts follow. 

Journal Entry 34 by londonmet from London , Greater London United Kingdom on Tuesday, April 12, 2005

"In a hole in the ground, there decomposed a hobbit".

"My name's Jake Stoner - they call me the Expert; when the CIA or MI5 or Mossad have a problem their boys can't handle, they call for me - I'm the best there is at what I do: I'm a chartered accountant". 

Journal Entry 35 by Koalabare from Fetcham, Surrey United Kingdom on Saturday, June 18, 2005

Arrived this morning - thanks londonmet, and boreal for sharing it!

Had a dip through and some are just terrible...

Will go and start flexing my brain cells to try and come up with something equally bad :) 

Journal Entry 36 by Koalabare from Fetcham, Surrey United Kingdom on Thursday, June 23, 2005

This was a great book for dipping into, chortling and going off grinning!

Favourites, among many good ones:

"Myrtle Bagnall was a despondent woman, her husband a morose outcast, her children sullen and mentally impaired; nevertheless, she still wished to record their life together."

"After peering furtively from dingy grey blankets, the sun suddenly sprang into full view, brazenly flaunting his golden nakedness, while bashful clouds blushed prettily against the sky's shocked pallor."

And my effort, after much straining of brain cells:

“Despite the undoubted thrill of participating in the Lower Hucking lawn-scarifying contest, Nigel was loath to risk the possibility of further inflaming his in-growing toenails; instead, he decided to opt for the lesser but still edifying challenge of ‘Guess the Weight of the Tea-Cosy’, with the top prize of two pots of Mildred Goosnark’s elderberry preserve.”

This is off to Kanapoutz in the next few days - thanks once again to boreal for sharing this! 

Journal Entry 37 by Koalabare from Fetcham, Surrey United Kingdom on Saturday, June 25, 2005

Posted this morning to Kanapoutz! 

Journal Entry 38 by KanaPoutz from Nice, Provence-Alpes-Côte d'Azur France on Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Got the book today! I was really looking forward to this bookray, and I'll get into it probably tonight! I love all your first sentences, and the difficult thing will be for me to come up with a good one...I'll try!
Thanks. 

Journal Entry 39 by KanaPoutz from Nice, Provence-Alpes-Côte d'Azur France on Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Sorry, I did not intend to keep the book this long!
Really enjoyed it, some of those sentences were really the worst and some were hilarious.
Hard to decide which one I like best, but this was one of my favourites :

"With a blood-curdling scream Trevor plunged a butcher's knife into the frail heart of his silver-haired grandmother, which was uncharacteristic behaviour on his part, really, seeing that he grew orchids and had, at one stage, contemplated a career in the church."

Here is my attempt :

"As Brian was getting off the plane, he was hoping the locals would stop being so obnoxious and chauvinistic, and that he would not have to go anywhere near their stinky cheeses."

Thanks again for this great Bookring!
:-D 

Journal Entry 40 by boucli from Toulouse, Midi-Pyrénées France on Friday, September 23, 2005

The book arrived last week, but I didn'tget the opportunity to journal it before today ! Thanks for the perfume and "royal gelly cream" (???), Kana !!

More news...and my worst sentence soon !

thanks for the ring, Boreal ! 

Journal Entry 41 by boucli from Toulouse, Midi-Pyrénées France on Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I've kept this book way too long, sorry...I still have to find my "worst first sentence", but I will send the book to EthanTuliobanat shortly...