Though I haven’t read any of A.M. Homes’s novels - which I understand can be quite disturbing - I really enjoyed this memoir about her search for self. Homes was adopted immediately after birth and grew up with one sibling, a brother. Another adoptive brother had recently died and she always kind of felt like she was a replacement for him.

At the age of 31, Homes’s biological mother comes searching for her. She turns out to be an annoying but somewhat tragic person, having become pregnant at the age of 22 by her married-with-children boss with whom she’d been having an affair since he hired her at the age of 15. The father is a real piece of work, in my opinion. The push-and-pull of her contact with them is an interesting part of the narrative. She realizes that she was, in fact, lucky to have been adopted rather than having to grow up with these self-centered nuts. But they are self-centered for different reasons, I think.

She becomes obsessed with tracing her family tree, not only her blood relatives, but also her adoptive family. Though I sort of skimmed this part, and the many names and relationships were a bit confusing, I still found it interesting as I have only recently begun to take an interest in genealogy. Perhaps it’s a function of age: as we get older, we want to know where we came from - before it’s too late!

When her father refuses to release a copy of the paternity test HE insisted she take, she considers taking him to court and imagines the questions that would be asked at his deposition. Near the end of the book, the questions contain some mild humor and not a small amount of anger and disgust. Definitely the mixed feelings one would have in the same situation.

Traveling in mrsjones' Many, Many Memoirs bookbox (replaced by Azuki).

Not sure why this book appeals to me but I'm gonna give it a shot! Something about it has me curious...I might just skim around. Watch this space! (Well, the space below this space...)

I'm really surprised by how much I related to this memoir---like scarily so. I received this in a BookCrossing bookbox and dismissed it several times before deciding to give it a try. Weirdly, it was almost calling out to me to read it. I'm so glad I did---I devoured it in one afternoon. It didn't really solve or fix anything for me...just got me thinking and contemplating about my past and family stuff that I don't process through as much as I should.

Homes's memoir brings to mind so many thoughts on identity and the gut-born desire to be truly known. This passage resonated with me:

"I grew up convinced that every family was better than mine...I would hover on the edge, knowing that however much they include you--invite you to dinner, take you on family trips--you are never official, you are always the 'friend', the first one left behind."

That's exactly how I felt after my parents' divorce---the unwanted stepkid on both sides. Both parents tried to make me a part of their twisted new "family units" but I was already a part of only one family unit---the one they'd divided.

I was not adopted but I relate to so much of this story. We have in common the messed up desire to please lousy parents---to perform and hope they'll find us good enough to let into the selfish world they shut us out of. (My mom is a much different person now than she was in the years just after her divorce and she's an important part of my life now.) I don't often think back on the hard years but this story reminded me of that vulnerable girl who was looking to be loved and cared for by those who couldn't get past themselves to do it properly.

I thought of my dad when the author said after hearing her mother was sick, "I was so busy protecting myself from her that I didn't...(recognize) the trouble she was in." It's a messed up world when this is the relationship one has with her parent(s).

Cleaning up the home after her mother's death she says, "This is not how (she) would have wanted to have been presented---but this is who she is and what she left behind." This makes me think of my dad's mom who was estranged from us until the last few years of her life. This is how I felt after her death and I wondered if I was the only one in the whole world who even semi-mourned her. I mourned the "could have been" rather than the "was".

So there you go...a look into my guts. Probably won't see another one for awhile. Maybe I need to go back to the Aunt Dimitys...

I'm releasing this back into the memoirs bookbox.

To the finder of this book:

This book is gift, no strings attached, from me to you. You may keep it forever, pass it along to a friend, or release it into the wild to be found by someone else.

If you are new to BookCrossing, welcome! Enjoy the site, the book, and the BookCrossing community. I hope you'll join us...it's free! If you do, please consider using me, elizardbreath, as your referring member. You can even remain anonymous if you wish!

I hope you'll make a brief journal entry so all the previous and future readers can track this book's journey.

Thanks, and Happy BookCrossing! :)

Made it home in the bookbox. I'm a big fan of A.M. Homes and have already read this memoir. I'll plan to release it soon.

Left on a table near the jousting ring. Enjoy!