Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son
2 journalers for this copy...
A true story; later made into a Lifetime TV movie with Sigourney Weaver as Mary and Ryan Kelley as Bobby.Mary Griffith was a conservative Christian and she raised her children to follow her beliefs. When her teenaged son Bobby told her he was gay, her first reactions were to hide his sexuality from everyone else and to pray that he be cured of homosexuality. Bobby believed that both God and his family condemned him for being gay, and this ultimately led to his suicide at the age of 20.
After Bobby's death, Mary read his diaries and learned a great deal about her son's self-loathing and depression - things that he had tried to keep hidden from his family. Eventually she realized that by failing to accept Bobby for who he was and constantly trying to "fix" him, she had increased his misery and helped him to self-destruct. Gradually Mary became an advocate for gay and lesbian teens by telling her story.
I'II admit it: I had a fairly sheltered childhood, and I'm not sorry for it; there are some experiences I'm pretty sure I didn't *need* to have..
However, I suspect I must also have been monumentally numb as a teenager. It never even occurred to me to wonder if any of my high school classmates were gay or lesbian, even the ones I saw every day. They were just who they were: some of them were my friends; others I didn't know as well. I suppose it's not too bad, because I accepted them the way they were. But if they were struggling with their sexuality I didn't notice, and I certainly wasn’t any help.
At that point in my life, I don't think I'd ever known anyone that I knew wasn't straight: it wasn't something we ever talked about at home, and I don't think homosexuality was even mentioned in our sex education classes. Although I remember *one* older student who was openly gay, I don't think I ever spoke to him (although some of my friends did).
Would school have been easier for the lesbian and gay students if we'd been taught that homosexuality was a valid lifestyle option? I'd like to think so. It might have made me a little less clueless too.
If a teenager commits suicide over her/his sexuality, that’s tragic. So if educating students about sexual identity helps to reduce the number of teen suicides, I’m all for it.
I know that there's still a lot to be done, but I do believe that things are getting better, gradually. Some churches have softened their positions on homosexuality since this book was written in the mid-1990s: for instance, we've had gays on the ministerial staff and in the governing body of our local church. So people like Mary Griffith have made a difference. I hope their efforts have helped some young people make it through.
However, I suspect I must also have been monumentally numb as a teenager. It never even occurred to me to wonder if any of my high school classmates were gay or lesbian, even the ones I saw every day. They were just who they were: some of them were my friends; others I didn't know as well. I suppose it's not too bad, because I accepted them the way they were. But if they were struggling with their sexuality I didn't notice, and I certainly wasn’t any help.
At that point in my life, I don't think I'd ever known anyone that I knew wasn't straight: it wasn't something we ever talked about at home, and I don't think homosexuality was even mentioned in our sex education classes. Although I remember *one* older student who was openly gay, I don't think I ever spoke to him (although some of my friends did).
Would school have been easier for the lesbian and gay students if we'd been taught that homosexuality was a valid lifestyle option? I'd like to think so. It might have made me a little less clueless too.
If a teenager commits suicide over her/his sexuality, that’s tragic. So if educating students about sexual identity helps to reduce the number of teen suicides, I’m all for it.
I know that there's still a lot to be done, but I do believe that things are getting better, gradually. Some churches have softened their positions on homosexuality since this book was written in the mid-1990s: for instance, we've had gays on the ministerial staff and in the governing body of our local church. So people like Mary Griffith have made a difference. I hope their efforts have helped some young people make it through.
Journal Entry 3 by 
hyphen8
at Nordstrom's Rack in Honolulu, Hawaii USA on Wednesday, February 29, 2012
hyphen8 at Nordstrom's Rack in Honolulu, Hawaii USA on Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Left on a bench outside for elstaplador's LGBT release challenge.
This book was set free to find a new reader; I'm so glad you've found it!
I'd be thrilled if you'd make a journal entry to let the book's previous readers know that it's safely in your hands - you may even do so anonymously.
If you're new to BookCrossing, I hope you will take some time to explore this wonderful free and anonymous community of book lovers and learn about what it has to offer. If you decide to sign up, you may use me (hyphen8) as your referring member, but that's certainly not required.
In fact, there are no requirements: this is now your book and you may do whatever you like with it. You're welcome to keep it for as long as you wish, and you can even mark it for your "permanent collection"...but you don't have to.
Please do feel free to make a journal entry when you're done with the book saying what you thought of it or what you plan to do with it next: if you decide to pass it this book to another reader or leave it for someone else to find, joining BookCrossing will allow you to follow the book's future travels whenever another reader makes a journal entry...who knows where it will turn up next?
Free your books - help spread the words!
This book was set free to find a new reader; I'm so glad you've found it!
I'd be thrilled if you'd make a journal entry to let the book's previous readers know that it's safely in your hands - you may even do so anonymously.
If you're new to BookCrossing, I hope you will take some time to explore this wonderful free and anonymous community of book lovers and learn about what it has to offer. If you decide to sign up, you may use me (hyphen8) as your referring member, but that's certainly not required.
In fact, there are no requirements: this is now your book and you may do whatever you like with it. You're welcome to keep it for as long as you wish, and you can even mark it for your "permanent collection"...but you don't have to.
Please do feel free to make a journal entry when you're done with the book saying what you thought of it or what you plan to do with it next: if you decide to pass it this book to another reader or leave it for someone else to find, joining BookCrossing will allow you to follow the book's future travels whenever another reader makes a journal entry...who knows where it will turn up next?
Free your books - help spread the words!
So I'm on vacation in Hawaii figuring I'll finish a fairly dense book I'm reading regarding economics. I like to try and accomplish books like that when I have enough free time. My hopes were dashed because I found myself stuck at the Nordstrum Rack in Honolulu. The wife and kids went in and I took a seat outside next to this book. Clothes shopping is not my cup of tea. Started reading just to pass the time. By the time they came out I was 50 pages in and there was no turning back. This book sucks you right in.
For me it was especially relevant because of my background. I was raised by extremely conservative evangelical parents. Mary Griffith's preaching was my world growing up. But more so. We grew up with occasional mid week services in our home lead by my father in addition to Sunday service.
I think people that lack that background may find it easy to be angry at Mary for the way she treated her son before his suicide, but I can empathize with her completely. What she was doing she did because she loved her son and wanted the best for him. My parents were the same. It's not as if a parent wants to restrict their children or try and compel them not to indulge their preferences just for the fun of it. Parents do this because they are a product of a culture that has lead them to believe that this is in the child's best interest. Mary learned the hard way that what she did was of course not in Bobby's best interest. But what else would you expect her to do if she loved her son and had been subjected to all that religious conditioning? Having discovered that her conditioning misled her about what was in Bobby's best interest she's working to try and prevent others from being conditioned in that way. You can't expect anything more.
I ultimately came to disbelieve in the faith of my parents after living many years as a committed Christian. When my parents and family discovered that it was a major crisis. I told my wife (who is now still a believer) that the only thing that would have been worse is if I had told them I was gay. Fortunately I'm only an atheist.
The rejection Bobby endured is the rejection he would have gotten growing up in my family. As in the Griffith family my parents, siblings, and I would have thought attempts to change him would have been in his best interest, though we still would have loved him as Mary did.
For me this book took me back to my own formative years. We didn't think too much about homosexuality. We weren't any more hostile to it than we were towards other sins, like premarital sex. And so we didn't really consider if those around us were gay and what they were going through. This book helps me empathize with others that could be going through this. Its heart breaking. You imagine yourself in a spot where you could have helped. It reminds you to look around where you are. It also makes you grateful for the progress that has been made. As bad as things are still they are better than they were, and that is thanks to people like Mary.
I fly home today (March 5) and I'm planning to take this book with me and leave it in the airport near my home (Detroit Mcnamara terminal). Sorry for the slight damage to the cover. Some water at Hanauma Bay. Otherwise it's fine. Thanks for leaving it hyphen8. Interesting and educational.
For me it was especially relevant because of my background. I was raised by extremely conservative evangelical parents. Mary Griffith's preaching was my world growing up. But more so. We grew up with occasional mid week services in our home lead by my father in addition to Sunday service.
I think people that lack that background may find it easy to be angry at Mary for the way she treated her son before his suicide, but I can empathize with her completely. What she was doing she did because she loved her son and wanted the best for him. My parents were the same. It's not as if a parent wants to restrict their children or try and compel them not to indulge their preferences just for the fun of it. Parents do this because they are a product of a culture that has lead them to believe that this is in the child's best interest. Mary learned the hard way that what she did was of course not in Bobby's best interest. But what else would you expect her to do if she loved her son and had been subjected to all that religious conditioning? Having discovered that her conditioning misled her about what was in Bobby's best interest she's working to try and prevent others from being conditioned in that way. You can't expect anything more.
I ultimately came to disbelieve in the faith of my parents after living many years as a committed Christian. When my parents and family discovered that it was a major crisis. I told my wife (who is now still a believer) that the only thing that would have been worse is if I had told them I was gay. Fortunately I'm only an atheist.
The rejection Bobby endured is the rejection he would have gotten growing up in my family. As in the Griffith family my parents, siblings, and I would have thought attempts to change him would have been in his best interest, though we still would have loved him as Mary did.
For me this book took me back to my own formative years. We didn't think too much about homosexuality. We weren't any more hostile to it than we were towards other sins, like premarital sex. And so we didn't really consider if those around us were gay and what they were going through. This book helps me empathize with others that could be going through this. Its heart breaking. You imagine yourself in a spot where you could have helped. It reminds you to look around where you are. It also makes you grateful for the progress that has been made. As bad as things are still they are better than they were, and that is thanks to people like Mary.
I fly home today (March 5) and I'm planning to take this book with me and leave it in the airport near my home (Detroit Mcnamara terminal). Sorry for the slight damage to the cover. Some water at Hanauma Bay. Otherwise it's fine. Thanks for leaving it hyphen8. Interesting and educational.
Released the book at the North Terminal at the Detroit Metro Airport, Gate D30 which at the time was heading for La Guardia. Hopefully another will read and enjoy.
